Transgender Transition: Second Adolescence Is A Time To Take It Slow

Susan Stanton's story is typical of many of us in the Transgender community. I have seen it many times including personally experiencing it. Many of us know we are different from an early age. We struggle with this throughout our lives until it became too much for us to bear. We are willing to sacrifice everything we have in order to live our authentic lives. Susan's Plan "A" - stay the same and die a slow death; Plan "B" - transition to her appropriate gender identity and live an authentic life; and Plan "C" - suicide are common to all living a "closeted", agonizing life. Unfortunately, another commonality is that there is a rush to transition. Many of us are trying to make up for lost time and relieve the deep-seated pain called Gender Dysphoria. Everyone's journey is different and everyone moves at their own pace but if this pace is too fast, the results can be devastating. A person in transition goes through a second adolescence. At times, all patience is thrown to the wind and everything must happen immediately. The adage "in order to gain your authentic self as a (fill in the blank or in this case) Transgender person, one must be willing and prepared to lose everything" applies. The pace and timing of this journey can sometimes increase the amount of what one might lose, i.e. Family, friends, wives, children, jobs and homes. The best advice I can offer is to take your time with your transition if at all possible. It is the most important thing you will ever do in your life. Work with a qualified gender therapist. Take baby steps. Give your loved ones time to wrap their arms around being Transgender. After all, how long did it take you - ten, twenty, thirty years? Give others the same chance.  Surround yourself with like-minded, positive thinking people. There are many Transgender peer support groups. One can find support and make friends by joining a Transgender advocacy group. Make friends and cherish them. They will support you through transition. If they are true friends, they will not be judgmental. If you have trouble finding a Transgender peer support group, leave a comment on this post and I will help you find one.  Find a qualified gender specialist / therapist. If you have already bonded with a therapist, ensure you teach them everything you can about Transgender. In most cases, the issues one has are not entirely related to Gender Identity Disorder. As a matter of fact, transition is not a panacea for all of the issues in your life. Finally, be kind to yourself. It takes great courage to accept your self as a beautiful Transgender person. Ensure you congratulate yourself and celebrate each baby step you take. No one will do it for you. Following is a New York Times critique of "Her Name Was Steven". CNN PRESENTS Her Name Was Steven CNN, Saturday and Sunday nights at 8, Eastern and Pacific times; 7, Central time. “Don’t let the abnormals influence your vote,” a gnarled old man in Largo, Fla., tells the city’s commissioners in a particularly jolting moment of “Her Name Was Steven,” a documentary on CNN. “The man is sick and needs help.” The “abnormal” at the center of this smart, sensitive film is, or was, Steven Stanton, who at the time of that commission hearing in March 2007 was Largo’s city manager. The fellow who used the blunt term was certainly voicing the thoughts of many in Largo and in the world at large about Steven Stanton’s decision to become Susan Stanton; a sex change is still a step that many people just can’t fathom, though the procedure has been available for more than half a century. But the remark registers as particularly callous because by this point in the film Ms. Stanton (whose name was legally changed in June 2007) has shattered a lot of stereotypes about men who would be women, thanks to an articulate, remarkably dispassionate discussion of her feelings and decision-making. It’s probably impossible for someone not in the transgender world to understand it completely, but Ms. Stanton comes pretty close to building that unbuildable bridge. A strength of the documentary, however, is that it doesn’t just set up Ms. Stanton as a tortured heroine. Once she announced her intentions she quickly became something of a celebrity, but the film explores how she angered other transgender advocates when her public remarks didn’t quite follow their standard script. (“Somehow I’ve been thrown into this role as a national spokesperson for a cause I don’t understand myself yet,” Ms. Stanton says at one point.) And some of the most affecting moments here involve how Steven Stanton’s decision disrupted the life of his wife, Donna. These are all the more poignant because she would not appear on camera; we only hear her reading her responses to questions. “I watched him gradually fade away,” she says of the man she married, “and it’s been like a slow death for me. The masculine man that I loved is gone.” NEIL GENZLINGER ORIGINAL ARTICLE

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